coolkidfunclub | The AU!Pet Person Meme

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The AU!Pet Person Meme

The AU!Pet Person Meme

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Hello, and welcome to The Care and Keeping of Your Pet! As you surely know, a pet is a big responsibility, and we're so glad you've decided to be a conscientious master. A safe pet is a happy pet, and this handbook is certain to keep your precious lifelong friend as content as can be.

The history of the animal person is a long and difficult one, with their origins not being known even to this day. However, scientists believe that despite our common appearance - most animal people have humanoid forms except for the ears, tails, and sometimes teeth - we share no common ancestry, even if the ascent of this species corresponds with that of the homo sapiens. We gained dominance over each breed thousands of years ago, beginning with the dog type, who have long been considered "man's best friend." Most breeds these days are docile and perfect for owners of any speed.

Of course, it is our duty as the superior species to take care of these animal creatures, and this is inherent in their genetic makeup. Everyone knows that an animal person, when matched with their correct human master, is loyal for life - a true "soulmate," if you will. Far be it for us to turn this away! Ever since the Great Domestication, these intelligent and loving animals have served us as friends, workmates, guardians, servants, and sexual companions and will for years to come. Despite recent hubbub from so-called "Pet People's Rights Activists," this way of life is wholesome and good. Scientific research shows that the natural desire of the pet person is to be owned and cared for by a human.

So, it's your first pet. What do you need to know?

As previously stated, pet people come in as many breeds as you can possibly think of. By far and away the most popular are the dog and cat types, but exotic birds and lizards have been gaining popularity among trendsetters from L.A. to Tokyo!
All pet types are best suited for certain jobs, and when hunting for one, it is best to search for a type that suits your needs best.
However, a "True Match" - when a pet person bonds with you and only you for the rest of their natural lives - comes naturally, and sometimes takes time before you can find the pet you will be able to give a forever home to.
According to all current research, pet people are completely sentient and like us in many ways. However, it is important to remember that they have many animalistic and feral characteristics. Do not be foolish and think that your pet is a person, despite the facts that many are clothed and may be allowed to read, write, and have "hobbies." Some traditional pet owners may eschew these frivolities, and that is within their right.
It is important to train a pet. Discipline will be necessary. This does not make you a bad owner. Failure to train early will result in a rebellious pet. Training is especially important if you want your pet to serve as a household servant.
Remember, your pet will be extremely protective of you, especially if you are Truly Bonded. It is best to socialize them early. A socialized pet is a perfect family pet.
These days, unowned and unbonded pet people are allowed to live as strays or "Frees" in certain designated areas. Some even hold "jobs." This is against their best interest, and owners who adopt these strays are to be rewarded. Still, the best place to get pets are from licensed kennels or breeders.
Some masters find it beneficial to participate in activities with their pets, such as shows and other competitions.
Finally, much has been made about the sexual relationship between pet and master. This is a normal facet of the bond, and humans are sure to find pet people sexually alluring. But beyond that, it is only responsible and prudent for owners to care for their pet's needs. It is a well-known fact that the libidos of pet people are remarkably strong, and when they go into heat, it is usually more convenient for a master to relieve them. There is no risk of pregnancy. All rumors of hybrids are urban legends.
Despite this, masters must remember to not view their pets as romantic partners. Humans should stay with humans.

Taken and cut down from bakerstreet, you all know what to do

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[Dandy's been a pet since the day he was born, an uncommon chinchilla pet person with the softest fur the world has ever seen. He's really...tall for a glorified mouse boy, though, but he don't care. Having been spoiled since childhood Dandy's used to being doted on and the center of attention. He was incredibly close to his first owner, Catherine, growing up beside her and eventually developing some taboo feelings. This eventually lead to her getting a second pet and eventually replacing him, secretly hoping it'd be for his own good. Who knows what would've happened to his human-loving ass if he slipped and spilled his feelings in public.

Adult Dandy now spends his time being a brat to anyone who tries to take over ownership, running off in hopes it'll grab Catherine's attention and make her realize she's the only one who can handle him. How...is unclear, Dandy doesn't know how things work. In fact, he's too stupid to realize he could, like, seek his own freedom or something, but why would he willingly want to work when there are people willing to take care of him?? ~~Even if he just wants one specific owner.~~ Although he'd be open to the idea if another pet just so happens to find him-]

[Living as free animals in an animal-centered city is a lot of fun! Even on days where you and your flashy, attention-seeking roommate don't get along. It probably would have been fine if Dandy hadn't been insisting Maya was jealous just days before-- because she wouldn't have retaliated by just immediately indulging some dog they met while out for attention! It was all due, okay.

Except with Dandy running off to the bar and the dog having the same idea, things aren't as fun as they were just hours ago. Maya'd had trouble getting her new dog acquaintance to cut the crap and let her go, especially a few drinks in, and hadn't counted on her guardian rodent stepping in to just... half-drunkenly fight this dude.

Well, it'd been a dumb idea in the first place, a dumb response to a dumb tease. Maya's feeling pretty much like an ass now, having dragged Dandy to the bathroom to clean up his bloody nose.

At least he didn't lose!]

C'mon, you have to keep looking upward or it's never gonna stop...

[Even though he won, Dandy's heart still races, not quite settled down from all that sudden adrenaline. For a guy who talks a lot of shit, he's only now starting to realize he's never actually been in a real fight before. He'd be lying if he said his moves weren't all stolen from things he's seen on TV, not that it'd be a very good lie. Fighting drunk meant he was totally quoting lines as he swung and jumped out of the way, completely convinced he was really cool the entire time.

Instead he's in a bathroom cleaning up his nose.]

Dude, you're short, I can't help it!!

[His ears fold back as he continues to look around, not even considering getting on his knees or something to make this easier for her. His poor, beautiful nose...]

Uh...this isn't, like, a chick bathroom, is it??

Are you kidding? You're not getting a free ticket into the women's bathroom just cos you're with me.

[But Maya gets the free pass to go in the men's..? actually that does make more sense, she can be trusted.

Rolling her eyes a little, she pushes herself up onto the sink counter so she can sit on her knees up higher than he is.]

Now keep it up!

[She instructs, lifting his chin with one hand and wiping blood from his face with a wet paper towel in the other.]

["Oh well, worth a try" is what he WANTED to say, but Dandy's caught off guard so hard, it shuts him up. His eyes go wide as Maya's suddenly above him, forcing his head up with absolutely no hesitance. He keeps it up as she wipes away his blood, amazed that she doesn't even flinch.

Maybe he's still a little tipsy, but...um, damn.]

You, uh, do this kinda thing often or somethin'?

[Maya looks away from Dandy's poor nose to look him in the eye, a brow half raised, before her face relaxes into a smile and she rolls her eyes again, a bit less annoyed than before.

Ugh, it shouldn't be so hard to stay mad at him. Her little kitty ears swivel, keeping an ear out for anyone else entering.]

What, clean up after you? Every day.

[She dabs his face a bit more, oblivious, unaware that the way her fingertips hold his chin up ever so gently (but ever so firmly) is the real problem here. She's had to clean up tons of other runaways... and herself from time to time, too.]

Shouldn't I be asking you the same question about getting into fights, anyway?

[How can someone touch so soft, yet hold him so still? His heart continues to race, now beating loud enough it's almost all he can hear, and he's pretty sure it's not the adrenaline anymore. Yup...yup, he's definitely still drunk, there's no way he could be crushing so easily.

...right?

Dandy sniffs a bit, nose twitching as she finally begins to control his injury. He only pops back into reality when she mentions the fight, man...fuck that guy. His blood still boils when he thinks about the way he treated her. They might've been playing nasty games, but there's no excuse for shit like that. He was.....a bad dog.]

Gonna be honest, bar fights aren't exactly at the top of the "sweet pet life" list. That...was my first rumble.

[He missed her earlier insult thanks to his deafening heartbeat, it was probably for the best.]

--Really?

[Once again she's taken aback from cleaning him up to just look at him again, as if taking him in in a different light.]

...Wow, I can't believe I caused your first bar fight.

[She might laugh a little as she says so, but she's pretty genuine in saying-]

Lucky me, walking into the same bar as you...

[Dandy catches her eyes on him and he can feel his face just flush, and he'd really like to enjoy that feeling if he totally didn't just jump backwards-]

Shit, no kiddin'!! The hell would've happened if you went into another bar?!

[It's all coming together. Yes, Dandy played hero, because Maya was in trouble. She was...in trouble- REAL trouble!! Not like...stuff on TV trouble, she could've been seriously hurt if things didn't work out.

Holy shit, is this what real life feels like?! He hates it, it's terrifying.]

[Hands still reached out for him, Maya blinks-- before reaching out further and beckoning him back by making little squeezy motions with her hands. Get back over here!! She's not done cleaning his dumb pretty face!]

Well, I dunno. It might have turned out bad, but... instead, you were here!

So it's fine, isn't it?

[Oh...he guesses that's....true.

Maybe he's too chill for his own good, but Dandy shuffles back in place so Maya can continue cleaning his dumb, pretty face. He can't just dwell on shit that didn't happen, but maybe he can make sure shit doesn't happen in the future...]

Fair enough.

But...maybe...we could promise each other not to...pull that kinda shit again...yeah?

[Oof, this critical thinking crap is tough, especially with the haze of alcohol and a throbbing nose. It takes him a second to work up the nerve, but he makes sure to look her in the eyes, feeling maybe a little too vulnerable in the process.

But he wants her to know he means it. She shouldn't risk getting hurt just because he's a brat.]

[Oof. Maya sees that look and that earnestness, and it stings a little, her face falls and her brows come together in concern. She pauses from cleaning him up, mostly done anyway.]

I'm— really sorry.

[How could she be so dumb? Of course he cares about her— even with all his boasting, he wouldn't give her a look like that if he hadn't been worried about her, right? Now she feels like a brat for having reacted how she did.

Why'd she need to make him jealous in the end, anyway? Wasn't that just helping to prove his point—]

I was... I was totally being a jerk.

I didn't mean to make you worry or get you hurt...

...huh?

[Dandy's ears twitch, that wasn't what he was expecting to hear.]

You dummy...are you seriously apologizing? Man, I never thought I'd see a cat say sorry to me!!

Hey! We cats are an honorable sort!

[mostly.]

...but it wasn't very honorable or nice to try and make you jealous, anyway. O-or to get you punched.

[She sighs, ears flicking down.]

So... I really am sorry. Seriously.

[Oh shit, she really means it. And here he thought he could just play it away. Twitchy ears become droopy ears, but he still offers her a smile regardless. Alright, alright, he'll take it seriously.

Or at least as seriously as he can with paper towels all up in his nose.]

...Relax, it's alright. I mean, I appreciate it, but I also don't like to sweat the small stuff. Let's just agree next time I get punched, it'll be my fault.

Mm?

[Maya does smile, but it's catlike and sly.]

Okay, I can agree to that.

[But as she agrees, she also reaches out and gives his arm a good punch, too.]

That's for trying to make me jealous. And for getting hit. It's still technically patially your fault.

[Ow. He's in enough pain, but fine, he'll take it.]

Right, my bad. Listen, I'm still drunk enough to think I'm the hero in all this, so bear with me, would ya?

[But he's weak for that smile, he's so glad to see it, Dandy never thought seeing her be so...apologetic would break his heart. But that's Maya, always bouncing back.]

So how's it lookin', doc? Can I get discharged already?? No offense, but this room stinks.

Mmm, well...

[Maya taps her clawed finger against her cheek, wipes one last spot of missed red off Dandy's face, and sighs.]

I guess you are my hero tonight... So I'll let you go, as long as you let me walk you home.

[Hero or not, he... is inebriated after all,,]

Can't let you end up at a real doctor's office.

[Yeah, it's really easy to tell he's still drunk, especially with the way he begins to wiggle his hips.]

Oh? Jealous I'll find a better doctor~?

[Oh what a comedian he is.]

I wouldn't mind a chaperone, though. Someone with neat night vision, make sure I get home safe and sound, tuck me into bed~

You won't find someone with better bedside manner~

[She teases along this time, sure he's joking. And drunk.

She slides herself off the counter to throw away those bloody paper towels.]

I'm not sure you can convince me to tuck you in, though. How old are you, again?

You're never too old to get cozy.

Or pass out on your bed and hope someone tosses a blanket over you.

[They're practically the same thing.]

They never celebrated my birthday anyway, so I couldn't tell ya even if I wanted to.

Yeah?

[as Dandy speaks, Maya washes her hands real quick and driew them before taking a hold of Dandy's arm to lead him along and awaaay from public bathroom land.]

They never celebrated mine either. That's okay. We'll figure out a birthday for you some time when you're less goofy.

I say it's today.

[Dandy has no problem being lead out like an oversized puppy, letting Maya pull him along with no fight whatsoever.]

Because today...is the first day that I truly lived.

[He clenches his free hand and holds up his fist, definitely not being goofy right now.

No one is staring.]

[It's totally okay that no one is staring, because then they also don't stare at Maya's laughter, indulging his dumbassery. Giving those definitely-not-looking people more of a show, is all.]

But if today's your birthday it's already pretty much over! And you just spent most of the day mad at me.

[despite what she says, she keeps grinning bright at him and leading him through the bar crowd as if she barely notices anyone else.]

Damn, got me there.

[It makes sense, though, he's never celebrated a birthday before. Of course it wouldn't occur to him that he'd miss the...well, celebrating part.

But yeesh, what's so funny? This is a very serious matter!!]

But that means we'll also have to figure out a day for you, y'know, while we're at it.

Hmmm... I guess you're right.

[Out of the bar, into the street. They'll be fine, Maya's sure.]

We could pick one together and just celebrate the whole day?

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The AU!Pet Person Meme

Dandy | Space Dandy | OTA

minor injuries warn jic

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